Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
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