There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Randomize
