you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Randomize
