Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
I need moral support for this bender
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
Randomize
