are you still at the devil's house?
Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize
