i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
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