Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
