Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
