I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
