In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
i need to put some appletini on your dick
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
