We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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