we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
I'm getting married
To pizza
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Randomize
