when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Randomize
