Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
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