i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
