a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
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