I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Randomize
