This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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