just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
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