thus making me awesome and them whores
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
