what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
