had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
Randomize
