well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
