just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
