Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
