I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
I just want nice things and good sex
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
