yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
