Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize