Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
Randomize
