The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
Randomize
