I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
