Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
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