Im at strip club and am horny
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
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