FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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