Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
Are we still banned from the library?
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
