Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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