I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
