How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
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