It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
