I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
