She is in my trunk
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
Randomize
