I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
Randomize
