i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
