i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Randomize
