DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Randomize
