I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Randomize
