I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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