You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize
