lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
Randomize
