btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
Randomize
