Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize