so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
I intend to get homeless drunk
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
