WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Randomize
