Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize
