isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
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