i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
