I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
Randomize
