I don't usually arrange sex via text message
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
Randomize
