He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
You can't motorboat a personality
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
Dicks are not precious.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Randomize
