There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize
