At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
Randomize
