can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
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