hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
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