You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize