Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
