hdsncx Gizmo asnqw toilet blanasdi
ok, stay where you are, be there soon
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
Randomize
