I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Randomize
