R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Randomize
