I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
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