do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
