I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Randomize
