what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize