Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
Randomize
