Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize