The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Randomize
