i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
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